I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just forgot I was standing up.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
