I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
