u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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