it's like iHOP with fire
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
