just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
