i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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