mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
