Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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