Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
