All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
