I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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