i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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