u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
