I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
