life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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