Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
