i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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