we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
