so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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