Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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