I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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