we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
did i walk over a car last night?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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