I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
