How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
