there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
