I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
