is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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