Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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