u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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