ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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