she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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