i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
