I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
