saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
