Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
