erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
