what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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