Need sex. Gaining weight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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