chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
