I am puke
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
