I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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