I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
