yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
