somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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