Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Say something about gay babies.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
