Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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