Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
