i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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