You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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