I need help removing her.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
