I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
