If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
