I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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