and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
