Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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