maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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