I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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