ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sext me about skeletons
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
