She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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