she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
