In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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